Not giving up on you, on us.

I manage to pull through the night without tears...at least not in buckets.. I avoid thinking, I blame myself for what seems like a neglection to him. I just couldn't understand how someone who was once so in love with you could treat you like a can of trash. What I couldn't understand even more is how could this happen all so soon? I must be blinded not to spot the tell-tale signs earlier. Maybe I did, but I brushed it off. Too much trust and confident. But at least, I know I never give up, on him, on us. I'm not the one giving up for whatever matters that arise. I'm not the one succumb to pressure as they claim.

I hold on, still holding on. I'll hold on.

Thats the only way to keep me stronger and believing that he won't be back but he will be success in life. I have confident in him although at times, he does break down like a baby. And I'd tell him, "Do your best, one day, I'll be at home watching you performing on the screen."

I've been telling him that since the 1st video he showed me 2 years back.

I know nothing technical about his choice of field but I UNDERSTAND his passion. The only way I could help or support him was to give him enough time and not complaining about it.

If he needs to attend some events, I'll be at home, waiting for him to be back for dinner and share stories.

Or if it's too late, I'll wait for him to be home and called me to let me know that he's safe and sound.

Some of you may ask why am i not attending with him?

3 years back when we first started, I attended the first event with him. He was busy like hell and all I did was to watch him under a tent few meters away. But I could see, somehow he's restless, like he needs to look after me even though I told him to concentrate. And he called me several times even though I just walked away for some air, just a few minutes.

Some time later, I told him, "Do what you need to do, I'll be at home waiting for you."

And I always do.

Typing each word in this page makes me cry, it reminds me of the man I love and the love that motivates me.

Is it true that a couple must share the same passion in everything? I doubt so. If it's true, then lawyer must date lawyer only lah? So that they can discuss how to screw people. Then, doctor must date doctor only la so that they can always talk about whoever the operate and how many people die in their hands everyday. Ridiculous.

I'm a banker, he's an educational and wild racer (?) We have the complete opposite personality. What I can't help I made it up with my own way to make him happier.

Or maybe, he has never ever been happy with me. At least, not from the heart.

I love you sayang, the man I fell in love with 3 years back. The man who's miles away and I'm waiting for him to come home.

I choose to remember the happier days though that what makes my heart bleeds.

I miss him so much that I wanted to message him so badly but I know I couldn't, I don't want him to hate me.

And so I text his Melb number, and that makes me calm.

I love you sayang, every word comes from my heart, the oreo bunny j that's cheeky and walks like she's hopping, just the way you love it.

Missing you big bear.