Goodbye!

This shall be the last post for 2011.

What a shitty year!

Started off the year with a new career change, new environment, etc. It doesn't work well, met with some incompatible colleagues, conflicts after conflicts, explanation after one another. Unwilling to give up. Strived harder. Got beaten by politics that was too much to handle. And the stress of not having enough rest considering longer travelling hours. Finally, gave up that hell.

Verdict: It was a right choice. Though I did learn something out of my field, I'm at a better place now with the job that suits my course of study.

A roughy year for romance. Lose my bf that I've been with for 3 years. Waited so long for us to finally be together but it didn't work out. The feeling of missing him is just like the old days, it's just that this time, he's "so near yet so far".

Side note: I remember in 2010, we were at Popular, Prangin Mall and we read a feng shui article kind of thing. It said it'd be a rough year for our relationship. He, at that point of time, still very much in love with my stupidity and lameness, assured me that with persistence, and trust in each other, we can make things happen.

Holding on that, I endured and tolerated all his emo moments (he did the same to me too), believing that he will "grow up" when he comes back one day and realised how much I love him. I think deep down, he knows how much I love him unless he choose to ignore the love i've showered on him. Some things are not meant to be shared. Likewise, this shall also be the memory and love between us, the love that still motivates me and hopefully motivates him as well.

"I'll not let you down" - This was his promise to me.

Until this moment, I'm still unwilling to accept the fact that he no longer cares nor loves me. I don't know why, maybe I put too much faith on us, in our relationship, that I thought he will always be there for me, like how I always try my best to let him know that I'm safe.

Guys, I'm sorry to keep writing about us. Just that this is the only platform I can share my feelings and be truthful about it.

But, one thing I never regret and so proud of myself is that I've been there for him during his low period, when he was still a student, poor every single day, basically leong and snobbish and own nothing but a big belly.

And, I made my choice to call him sayang.

And I'm glad that I've given him the best of me.

Maybe now, I'm no longer good enough for him, nor worth his love and care.

But I'm still his biggest fan since day 1 I sat in that yellow car.

Only this time, I'll be admiring him from a distance.

Do you know that I used to tell him how much I love to see him at work? How serious he is whenever he does anything related to cars! I love that look, very macho! Yayaya, I know what you guys thinking, "Why wanna be sad over a fat guy?"

I've heard that a million times, he's fat, he's "tor sau lan keok" but he's also my sayang =)

The only difference is I'm no longer his sayang =(

Happy New Year 2012 guys!

Party hard, but don't let your life go wasted.

Goodbye shitty year!

Great morning guys!
Can't believe I'm awake at 8am on a Saturday ;)
Today it's the last day of 2011, I hate it so much that I got to wake up early to toast it away :D
Many plans ahead for tonight teehee~ Drunk with the sorrow and welcome all the greatness in 2012. Will it be the end of the world?
Let's talk about resolutions. In the past, I love to write them down for the sake of writing them but never really achieve them or even close *fuck myself*
This time, I've make up my mind not to write them down at all. Not that I have any solid resolutions yet but there are some ideas in mind.
I'm going to put my whole effort into achieving it so that you guys can see how much I improve in terms of personal and erm... physical development.
The only way to love another person is to first start loving myself.

Missing you like always.

First Kiss

Let me tell you guys something..
I was the one who first gave him a kiss..
On the cheek ;p
I didn't know how it happened, he dropped me home after a casual date..
Then erm.. I was thankful wtf and he was cute (I never date guys in XXL wut)
All of a sudden, I just kissed him..I mean gave him a light peck on the cheek, then I was like oh Shyte oh Shyte fuck man...........
I blushed like a California apple, he blushed like a...erm... tomato from Cameron Highlands :D
After 3 seconds which felt like a century with heart beating and blood shoots high, I ran off from his car wtf
Yea, I ran.
Malu you tahu.. That still stay fresh in my mind. I won't conceal my feelings because admitting them will make me a stronger person.
Plus, our feelings were true, so why deny?

Loving you always.

Selamat pagi semua~~

Woke up superbly early although I went back at bed at 3.30am, zzzzz......

Something excites me, the thought of someone promise to shuffle till I smile excites me wakakakaka~ Let's see what you can do to put a smile on my face again.

I'm not gonna hide, I love him and I miss him just like the old days, being ignored and abandoned like sampah sarap doesn't gonna make me hold back on anything, this is just so not me. I'll be like this until one day, when I'm perfectly fine with what had happened, that I gonna be my old self again. That day will come and you guys will see it.

Mum has been nagging alot, don't drink don't drink don't drink. How could you ask someone who treats liquor like the air she's breathing now to stop breathing? Oh well, I assured her, I know my limits, I know when to stop. I know when my liver says, "Have mercy on me your highness" wtf Meanwhile, just let me be, who I want to be. I've standing behind for so so so long, for a man I truly love, to assure me that I'm safe, now let me have some risk and fun ok!

If not, I'll die one day and say... cilaka, what is Bacardi?
I've so much plans in my head. I wanna get a dog... I mean a puppy. I'm so so so afraid with anything hairy and fluffy and soft, they are nice to look at but I tremble when I hold them. Life is too long and meaningful to have a phobia of this kind. So, I'm serious, I'm gonna get a real pup and named him ViVi. Bro has contacts for a chihuahua, ahah! But I hope it doesn't die under my care. So guys, soon, it will be a story of me and my chihuahua.

Gonna go work, 8 hours later it will be a long weekend of boozing, toasting for the whatsover good that is left and cursing for 2011 (fuck you, not going to see you suck year) and I smell "Friends, Drinks, Laughters, and Tears"

Wishing you guys gr8 year ahead in case I dont blog these 2 days, Happy New Year 2012!!!

Ini muka pondan. Habis cerita =____________=

Ini muka amat ngeri, sebab banyak pimples and macam orang kek sai tapi sebenarnya orang dalam gambar ini memang kek sai tapi malas pang sai tee hee~

Ends.

Dudiba Dumb

Alright, so I'm blogging now while squatting on the toilet bowl =________________= *lavender aromatheraphy*

And I just woke up, have been sleeping ever since I get home from work, with the help of a prescription pill man, cannot believe it I also need to sleep by popping pills r.

But, at least it helps, I just past out *peacefully*

Was a rubbish day at work, everyone is perfectly fine, I'm the one showing a face darker than an overly-used wok *soli la people*

Y U NO SEE I CANNOT CONTROL ONE HaHaHaHaHaHa

This is the power of <3

Or mb I was infected with his "stubborn beyond description" pattern.
And I think I just called him. It's just the usual me, whenever he's not messaging or calling, I get anxious, MY IMPULSE MY ME DO IT GEH DAMN

Giving up is easy, you just got to tell yourself, find someone else to fuck man and then gradually, whatever you spark you thought you have between will erm... disappear like bubbles in the thin air.

But, I was able to feel the spark (or whatever disillussion it was) and we had them, we probably still have them, and it's not "thought", at least to me, it's not.

"Tepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi"

Betul.

If I'm the one fighting, I'm the one dying worst than now in the end. Deeply I know where I stand la I just takkan believe that he's DEAD =)

Literally.

Btw, I cant resist sharing a email-exchange with a colleague of mine this afternoon, he's siao one, siao ta por r!!!

So, this was a reply from me to him asking how I was doing:

Sorry for late reply, just saw your message.. <-- forgiven

I look like a piece of shyte right duh.... <-- if I had a choice between you and shit, it would still be you.

Haven't been sleeping for 2 nights, need to get medicine from Dr Tee later.. <-- i survived longer

Tues night, party was great, the 4 of us drank like hell... mixture of beers, wine, rum etc.. (Now you know I lied when I say I don't drink) <-- I already knew when I asked about your complexion =)

Then we started cursing for....for everything.... It's usually during low period like this that you can see who your friends r, they stand by you. <-- oh damn, i wasn't there.

Man, I suck so much! 2 years and 9 months, how long will it take me recover to my old bubbly self, i really don't know, <-- according to my calculations, 46 days.

It's like i'm living in a soul-less life anticipating his call <--don't wait, call him instead and wonder why he didn't speak to me when he realized that something wrong with us that he needed to find a way out, with someone else.

So basically, he just c&p the whole thing and reply in blue =____= Y U SO LAZY HaHaHaHaHa 

And WHY YOU NO SHOW EMPATHY ONE HaHaHaHaHa I SUE YOU R!!! *insider joke*

Retyping all these just make me .. *weep weep weep*

I'll just have to accept the fact that my sayang is dead the minute he decided to look for "a better substitute"

So dead means I can drink right? I deserve to be sad huh...

True. I'll still love him the way I did because that was promise for him. And I told him the other day that he can always come back to cry if he needs to.

Damn I'm sipek gong tai.

There was once upon a time while he was away, I sang this or lip-sync this to him through msn to tell him that loving him is the only one thing I never regret.

Ends. 

Drunk in tears

I'm fucked.

I miss him so terribly much. So so so much that I can't resist messaging him. But I try not to bother him too much because I don't want him to hate me. I just want him to know that I'll always be there for him. Maybe I should just accept the fact that this man, who I'm still very much in love with, is dead.  He's a new man, bigger dreams and deserve nothing but the best.

My heart bleeds. Beyond description.

People around asking me to give up but I don't want to give up. I still love the "tor sau lang keok" Qi. And the man who will bring me, drive around while holding my hand and tell me, "I'll not let you go".

Shyte man, I don't think I can live a day sane without drinking.

At least after I drink, I cry, I talk to the imaginary him, I'll feel better.

Maybe I should go out and drink every night and bury my sadness.

I Love You Sayang

Aku sebuah kereta mainan.

"Aku sebuah kereta mainan. Aku dan kawan-kawan aku dipamerkan di atas rak. Aku di-jual mahal (wtf!) kerana aku adalah limited edition yang dihasilkan pada tahun lembu 1985. Warnaku putih berseri, sangat bersih and sebuah kereta yang memang classic. Pada suatu hari, seorang budak gemuk memilih aku dari rak itu. Sedih sangat because terpaksa berpisah dengan kawan-kawan aku. Tapi excited juga because aku mempunyai tuan baru. Nama tuanku ialah Vivi. Tuanku amat menyayangi aku. Dia menamakan aku JOY kerana wajahku yang ceria dan pandai beraksi bodoh-bodoh. Dia meletakkan aku dalam sebuah almari bersama permainannya yang lain. Namun, status aku lebih tinggi because aku dipamerkan on the highest rack. Setiap hari, dia akan menlapkan aku supaya shining-shining dan selalu bermain dengan aku. Alangkah bahagianya bersama seorang tuan yang begitu mengappreciate aku. Akan tetapi, one day, tuan aku bertemu dengan sebuah kereta baru. Kereta yang betul dan bukan kereta mainan. Tuan aku semakin enjoy bersama kereta barunya dan bertouge-touge dalam kegembiraan. Kereta baru itu dapat memahami feelings tuan aku dengan lebih baik because dia terror! Aku dibiarkan di rumah. Tuanku sudah melupakan aku and no longer polish me. Akhirnya, aku dibuang dalam tong sampah bersama permainannya yang lain."

Sekian, tamat. Siao char bor.

I smell my own breath now, I wanna puke =____=

I burp now, I will faint too.

Alot of things ran through my mind last night, though I was physically drop dead, mentally still kinda awake one -.-'...

Who am I to you? What does our relationship mean to you? What's your intention of going around telling people we have ended, then wooing another girl while asking me to wait for you? What are you thinking when you are doing all the couple-ly stuffs with another girl while your gf is waiting for you at home? You like to share food with her so much izit? Go la! Share all you want! You like to take her public and for rides so much izit? Go la!

I'm not a spare tyre you know?

And you think you are smart enough to have the best of both worlds?

Maybe you are true when you say I don't understand you. From what you're doing right now, I really don't understand. Is it because I'm "easily accessible" wtf that's why you take me for granted?

Oh, I see a point that. You're always taking people for granted. Especially people who love you and you expect them to keep forgiving you while you behave in your own snobbish self, still think you are very "yeng" and keep blaming the world for what you have done.

It's always "their fault", never your own.

When will you grow up, my poor child? You may appear that you have everything but let me tell you, you are empty inside! And that's because you push people away even your loved ones with your sick attitude! It takes so much patience, effort, love and time to get to know you and fall in love with you. But you ruin it with one single decision that you made, young man.. I wont call it a mistake, more like a choice you make to trash me off because as you claim, you are *confuse* HaHaHaHaHa

Now, to think that your car "is polluted", I'm fuckingly pissed. Go la, fetch a hundred babes you want with your "Babe Magnet". 

Go la to the special someone. Don't deny. Don't act like you concern about me although you yourself know you were the one who crushed my heart to a zillion drops. Don't come to me when she's gone after giving you false hope while all the while I'm standing right behind you, in case you fall back, you won't injured yourself.

The minute you started to lie: you have give up on me.
The minute you started to cheat: you have give up on yourself.
The minute you betrayed me: you have give up ON US.

****************************************************************

A night of nothing but everything sinful. We drank, we sang, we cursed.

Woke up to find my HongKong keok kicking this poor Dalmatian (^.<)

Tilt niu niu

Ends.



Stoopid scribble

Ish, kek sei yan, wanna fong kung already baru server down =__________= But luckily, my superior, Kak Feeza cover for me, she knows I "something wrong" so chase me back hehehe~

Something wrong...very wrong leh... :(

Nothing I do seems right, for eg, I was doing some calculation then I don't know why suddenly I cry leh.. I mean not pili pala eh cry, also not fili fele eh cry, it was like tiba2 your tears drop, just like that. I also hak sei myself. Not wanting anyone to see it, I picked up my phone and ran to back office, my bodoh brain wanna dial his number jor but actually my fingers quite smart, I dial my gf's number. Tee hee~~ To tell you the truth, I wasn't close with her. I've only in fact met her twice, it's actually friend's gf. But somehow, throughout these days, she kept keeping track of my well-being, that really makes me so touch! (^.^) *weep weep*

Then then then, today got one 38 customer called in to ask some questions about safe deposit box. Actually, our bank provides SDB facility and that customer was telling me that she read a news in Taiwan, that some items kept inside SDB of a bank went missing. Then, she asked me, what kind of security features do we have. So, I assured her that we have CCTV all over, it has never happened to our bank so there's nothing she should be worry. Suddenly hio, she lagi kin jiong, she said got CCTV means we can see whatever items inside her box la? Very dangerous lor.......... *pengsan* Aunty memang aunty, an cua explain bun si aunty. I told her, the best we can is to see what time and which customers go inside the room. It's almost impossible for us to see whatever tiny jewelleries she keep.

Only like this baru she tenang -.-"... Sure got jipaban inside one I tell you HaHaHaHaHa

Anyway, that's it, wa mm zai wa kong hami, siao liao wa (=.=)

Came home a couple of minutes ago, the first thing mummy told me was, "You better stop crying d huh!" Garangnya, never was she so garang... :( Rupa-rupanya I also scare mummy one, all the while I thought mummy scare me @@ And she said, "You r, better don't date any drifter or racer, I told you b4, very fa sam one. There's no such thing as exceptional case!" (*.*)

Today got major achievement, finished whole plate of rice leh! ^.^ Sila bagi muka and tepuk tangan sikit.

Bilalah will I grow up? I mean mentally and not physically wtf Physically cannot save liao nevermind but mentally haih, worst than budak-budak ;)

A friend of mine very funny, I told him I got drinking gathering tonight, he said, "Please make sure accidents dont happen. And I mean unwanted pregnancy"

Siao ta por! :p

Got to pom pom and kai kai! I'm on leave tomorrow, who wants to watch Alvin & Chipmunks with me? And next year June, I got 2 weeks leave, yay!~ Was thinking of a trip one but now masuk drain liao. Who wants to go Japan with me? Or Paris? For relaxation purpose, drink coffee see people kia lai kia ki ?HaHaHaHa

my chan muka :(

Siao char bor 27/12/11, 7.01 pm.

Evolusi Penang

Was chatting with a friend, he reminds me of this, kakaka!~



S.A.R.C.A.S.M

“Am I a man (woman) or Muppet?


If I’m Muppet, that makes me a very manly (womanly) Muppet

If I’m a Muppet, that makes me a Muppet of a man (woman)

HaHaHa.. those are lines from some song that just popped up my mind out of nowhere. Muppets.

Home, semi-drunk (you see, knowing that I’ve to work tomorrow, I have SELF-CONTROL. Pass out a little while, woke up by the sound of someone shouting. CCB!


Well, I know you guys care, and I know I’m acting stupid. I perfectly understand how stupid it is to put myself and my health in jeopardy.

But hey, I’m extremely sad here, beyond description and understanding. So, cut me some slack and let me just drink whatever I want, whenever I want, okay?

I think my throat and liver will forgive me, for the meantime. Wakakaka. Sarcastic dumbass.


I want so badly to talk to him, so badly wanna hug him, so badly wish him to come home and eat “tahi ayam” *our dirty joke, don’t care so much*

But I can’t, why wanna make myself so cheap? People are having a great time with their “special someone”, will he care?

No, absolutely not. I totally accept that.

It’s just that I’m hoping for a miracle, maybe this is all just a nightmare. Big liar Joy.

Anyway, I did the next stupid thing. I texted him. Texted him to his Melb number. Can you believe it? I wonder if 3Mobile operator will receive that and wonder which “siao char bor is this?” HaHaHa Keep “sayang this and sayang that”. What the hell is sayang anyway?!


And by the way, my name is Joy. With whatever I’m doing now, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy myself okay! I enjoy drinking, I enjoy numbness, I enjoy the feeling of brain freeze and I seriously love how each drink strengthen my immunity to liquor. I need more and more and more just to feel a little tipsy ;)

To you guys who texted me all the time to check on me, I thank you guys big time. I’m listening to you guys, but give me some time ok. Do you understand, it’s like someone taking away a big part of your life. And you don’t even realise it until... let’s just say until it’s apparent.

Still I don’t understand, just last Monday, he was saying that we should get a bigger bed so that I can stay there more often. Then come Wednesday, he’s dating another girl. That’s just ridiculous!


Try to think from my side, if I don’t care what’s happening, that means I never love him ok to have any reaction. And let me tell you again, I love him. Even until this moment when people keep reminding me of his betrayals and lies, I still miss the old big bear. The big bear who’s fat, sloppy, with a haircut from my parent’s teen days, use b&w Nokia, wear the same shirt every 3 days, and still thinks he is very yeng.

I just love the natural part of him. This is clear, no doubt. Don’t advise me to give up and forget the whole episode and move on.

I’ll move on. But I don’t know when. Eventually.

If you are my friend, just gimme a buzz and we shall meet up for more booze. But woah, take it easy if all of a sudden I cry my shyte out. I only have one life, lemme cry all I want okay?


Oh wait, did he text me or call me just now? Am not sure, it must be my imagination. I’m too afraid to check my cell. You see, if it’s true, why is that? Does he care? No, he wouldn’t. If he cares, he won’t did all the things he had done. But it was vivid, I remember hearing his voice.

Urrghhh.... where’s my phone? Must be at the shoe rack... the last time I used my phone was to text him to 3Mobile.. I must be dreaming.

Btw, I bought a new bra set. Christmas theme. Show you guys tomorrow if I’m wearing them. Or later.

I can’t wait for tomorrow!!! I’ll be sleeping over at a friend’s house and we will drink till dawn, yay!~ Got permission from dad, he says it’s ok if I answer whenever he calls. Really excited, like a kid waiting to go school camp, KaKaKa~


Only this time, the camp rules stated: above 18 and without adult supervision, woohoo!!!!~~~~

I’m typing this as I’m doing mask.. ish, drinking is good but it’s extremely hazardous to the skin trust me, you see crack lines, you see pimples pop out at the strangest place (ear ok?!)

And the voice; hoarse, sexy, seductive, just the way I like it 

I wonder if I can work tomorrow. Yea, with this kind of emotional rides, I think I’ll offend a lot of customers.

This morning, I went for a jog. I jog until my body begged me to stop. And then, I went to Gurney drive, drove to a spot with lesser people, I stood there on the rock overlooking the sea, I cried so hard and screamed my lungs out until some random rich tai-tai got a shock. She was walking her dog, I didn’t realise she was there. Luckily the dog didn’t bite me abo I’m really sueh already. Saw a huge ship, I was telling him a couple of weeks ago that we should go on board for some relaxation.


It’s clear, it never happen.

I’m thinking of having some vacation. Quit my job, bring a bag and go. Somewhere, that will help me recover.

“I need a doctor, doctor, doctor to bring me back to life”

Last Christmas, he was unable to be home and we spent the night having candlelight dinner through msn. But it was nothing lavish la just Maggie Mee with hot dog :D


This year, he chose to spend the night with new found “someone special”. I had dinner with a senior from Uni, he cracked some jokes to make me laugh of course but failed beyond expectation. Zzzzz......

Okay, I should get a bath and sleep before the power of liquor totally dies off..............

Nah, show you guys ma stooopid face (*.^)

Sila jangan gelak..muka ini dilatih selepas minum 3 hari berturut-turut.

My hand is so shaky I cant type properly nor put mask cantek-cantek so I just tampal on the crack lines.

Tomorrow onwards, if you see me taking this kind of photos, WACK ME HARD BABY!!~ While he was away, i always take this 38 photos for him one, waste my time and energy loving someone who will eventually say, "I'm confuse, I don't know who I love" and treat you like sampah.

Mata pun sepet, ada mata macam no mata. Ngor san fu, mou yan sam tong, CI MA KAN!!!

This is a siao char bor proving to you how flexible her body reflex is >.<

I'm horny wtf
I wanna make love right now now now

Now sleep la!







Not giving up on you, on us.

I manage to pull through the night without tears...at least not in buckets.. I avoid thinking, I blame myself for what seems like a neglection to him. I just couldn't understand how someone who was once so in love with you could treat you like a can of trash. What I couldn't understand even more is how could this happen all so soon? I must be blinded not to spot the tell-tale signs earlier. Maybe I did, but I brushed it off. Too much trust and confident. But at least, I know I never give up, on him, on us. I'm not the one giving up for whatever matters that arise. I'm not the one succumb to pressure as they claim.

I hold on, still holding on. I'll hold on.

Thats the only way to keep me stronger and believing that he won't be back but he will be success in life. I have confident in him although at times, he does break down like a baby. And I'd tell him, "Do your best, one day, I'll be at home watching you performing on the screen."

I've been telling him that since the 1st video he showed me 2 years back.

I know nothing technical about his choice of field but I UNDERSTAND his passion. The only way I could help or support him was to give him enough time and not complaining about it.

If he needs to attend some events, I'll be at home, waiting for him to be back for dinner and share stories.

Or if it's too late, I'll wait for him to be home and called me to let me know that he's safe and sound.

Some of you may ask why am i not attending with him?

3 years back when we first started, I attended the first event with him. He was busy like hell and all I did was to watch him under a tent few meters away. But I could see, somehow he's restless, like he needs to look after me even though I told him to concentrate. And he called me several times even though I just walked away for some air, just a few minutes.

Some time later, I told him, "Do what you need to do, I'll be at home waiting for you."

And I always do.

Typing each word in this page makes me cry, it reminds me of the man I love and the love that motivates me.

Is it true that a couple must share the same passion in everything? I doubt so. If it's true, then lawyer must date lawyer only lah? So that they can discuss how to screw people. Then, doctor must date doctor only la so that they can always talk about whoever the operate and how many people die in their hands everyday. Ridiculous.

I'm a banker, he's an educational and wild racer (?) We have the complete opposite personality. What I can't help I made it up with my own way to make him happier.

Or maybe, he has never ever been happy with me. At least, not from the heart.

I love you sayang, the man I fell in love with 3 years back. The man who's miles away and I'm waiting for him to come home.

I choose to remember the happier days though that what makes my heart bleeds.

I miss him so much that I wanted to message him so badly but I know I couldn't, I don't want him to hate me.

And so I text his Melb number, and that makes me calm.

I love you sayang, every word comes from my heart, the oreo bunny j that's cheeky and walks like she's hopping, just the way you love it.

Missing you big bear.







"'ll never let you go, never"

"I'll never let you go, never"

I fail as a gf. Fail terribly.

I wanted to be the quiet, supportive woman behind my man. Letting him know that he will always have a place call home to come to after every battle, every steps in realising his dream.

I first met him at the College where I worked 3 years ago. I was a cheeky young graduate, "popular" in the office and extremely playful xD As in naughty in a nice, "evil" way.

He was introduced to me by my ex-department head. A fatty boy who looks like Koo Tin Lok (only the complexion), he was a very popular drifter and was arranged to perform at our College's activity. I was curious as to what drifting is all about. And not knowing the "risk" involved, I took a ride while he did some donuts at the field. It was my first time, and it was also his first (to fetch a girl) or so he claimed. In the car, he asked me, how old am i? And my reply was, "You do the guessing". He was close but not exact.

Surprisingly few hours after the ride, he came to me, shy as always, not meeting my eyes and asked me a very funny question, "do u have a bf?" I said YES!!! As a matter of fact I didnt have haha~ So, seeing his disappointed look, I said I was joking :) Then, he asked for my number. I asked for him instead.

Fast forward, I msg him to thank him for a wonderful experience and thats where i guess the chemistry starts. He would chat with me 24/7 and asked me out every minute! I was cheeky, I rejected his invitations and asked him to asked permission from my mum first.

I used to say, "Go air itam ban shan find my mum first" kakaka~

Our first dating place was pasar malam =_______= He bought me alot of "bak uans" And he was trembling al the way while fetching me, nervous freak man >.< This dorifto neko tattoo-ed my name on his arm later on.

We officially started about a month after we knew each other on 14 March. We had our first town trip to Vistana.

Details of the stay cannot reveal.

Not long after we started, he has to leave for studies at Melb, he gave a ring, i was so touched by his sincerity. I will wait for this man to be back.

A friend I of us, Boon made us a song. Listen.

We have our fair share of ups and downs, thats expected in every relationship. Trust me, LDR is not easy. The exorbitant phone calls, phone slammings, yellings in msn... that's part of our growing process, our love for each other.

He alw say that I have a big butt so i occasionally send him stupid photo like this =______=

We would msn every night, 8pm sharp to 10pm. Just to share our daily ups and downs. These are our promises to each other:

On his bday in 2010, I arranged for us to celebrate it at Genting, that was a very funny trip because alot of incidents happen and we couldnt play in theme park that long.



He bought me a ticket to Melb on my birthday in 2010. I was there for a month and that was the most memorable month for me in our relationship. We have been separated for so long and to see him and touch him again, thats just simply bliss and hapiness!



Of late, I don't know what went wrong but my gut feelings tell me that he has changed. As much as he denied it, I know he has fallen for someone else. But I just dont understand how it could happen all so soon? Or was it a problem all the while but we never wanna face it?

I used to tell him, if there's anything, talk to me. I will listen. I may not be able to help. I'm not from this field, I was just this cheeky lunatic girl that you fell in love with. (and probably out of love now) The girl who makes you laugh so hard and the girl who just wanna lay beside you, doing nothing and feel that she has the world.

Time pass, feelings change, jst how could it be so soon?

Somehow, I still stand on my believe that the guy i knew 3 years ago is not someone like this. He's loyal, and faithful to our promises, to our "wifey to do list".

I'm not someone with glam nor fame but i just know how to love and give you the shoulder you need when u wanna cry.

Remembering several occasions where u cried on my laps put me to tears. You were so vulnerable and upset over some family and study matters. But, i'm always there for you, just like how we promise to be there for each other.

And that moo moo cake, the Teddy Bear Lane house, our dream of owning a house with garageand many many cars

S2000 =)

Not to forget, sylnanas liew and octopus liew.

Maybe u feel that i dont care whats going on in ur career n work, but i do. n i always ask u to think and do wht is best for u.

Still rmb how during our stay, i used to prepare tooth paste on the brush for u. We cried at the airport. We waited patiently for your return.

I shall now not mention a thing about us anymore. If you still think I matters the world to you, you know where to find me.

Or if like i said, it's true that you have fallen for someone else, go ahead. I trust you to be able to make a decision for yourself.

The cheeky girl that you were so in love with,

Sayang. 25 Dec 2011

Loving someone for who she is & liking someone for who she is, is DIFFERENT.

Many people will ride with you in a limo, but how many will walk with you when the limo breaks down?

I walked.

Help me please?

Spend whole day cleaning my room; throwing away some of the stuffs that I don't need anymore (old cpu, keyboard), putting aside soft toys that I want to donate to children's home, etc. Btw, anyone knows where I can sell off my old clothes? All are still in very good condition, some unworn, some I don't even know that I bought them, some I outgrown them. Hope I can sell them off and make some $ for my education fund.

Yes, I'm serious. Education fund.

Some of you may have know how badly I wanna pursue my Master degree and this plan has been put on hold for some reasons. Financial, credibility of prospective student (aka me), choice of school, etc.

One thing that I've learnt after working all these years is "you will never save enough".

So, I'm also looking for part time jobs. Preferably something that I can do at home and comes with flexibility of time. Translation job, typing job, you name it, you have it, I'LL TAKE IT.

So desperate but yea Santa, for Christmas this year, I wanna have enough money to study.

Or, anyone out there willing to grant me a scholarship? :D

I'll never ask from my parents because they are not young and they deserve to spend every penny they earn, their way.

So, if you wanna help, find me job.

Ends.

RUBBISH POST

I’m so so so fucking stressful with every aspect revolves around my life right now.


Last week, it was about relationship.

Fucking relationship, it makes you lose weight and tears T_____T

Then, came middle of the week, it involves the dollar sign ($.$)

Unexpected string of bills *ka ch’ng~ ka ch’ng*

Shut up damn you Jessie J, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!

Finally, this week I’m seriously in deep thought about my work.

Why lah so many things to worry one or maybe I’m just a big worrier. *sigh*

I worry if work goes too smooth;

I worry if work matters pending;

I worry if customers complain;

ETC...

Why lah so stressful one it’s year end already I should be happily looking forward to a day trip to Ipoh next week (with family)and then Christmas and New Year man.....................

Not sitting here in a corner of my room, doubting about my capability and suitability for the job T_____________________________________T

I hate doing sales, not that I can’t do it; I just don’t like doing it.

So, can you feel my pressure when there’s sales factor in my KPI.

*sob sob sob*

Wonder if I should just give up and type that letter *big decision*

Ends.

Again

Here I am, coming back to the place that have been abandoned for so long, so so so long. In time of despair like I am now, I couldn't believe that I don't have a friend close enough to confide in. For work, for this relationship and for us, I've almost neglected all the other important elements and people in life. Now that this pillar of strength is showing signs of uncertainty, I find myself completely lost. Lost in a world of my own. Lost in my future directions. Lost as in who am becoming into?

It all started with a matter smaller than a peanut, but it makes me question, Who am I to him? Where do I stand? What about my family? Is love only the matter of 2 people?

Where are all the chivalries go? Where are all the good boyfriends who will spend time with your family and understand them as your own? Where are all the good guys who parents will approve?

I don't know what are we now. It's not official. For Heaven sake I'm not even sure if I can handle this as calm as I thought when it's completely over. It has been a long way with a fair share of laughters and tears. 2 & 1/2 year is too long...I seriously swear that I never had a romantic relationship this long. And now, from the way it seem there will not be a happily-ever-after ending.

Do I love him, you ask. Yes, I do. Can I live without him? No but I'll have to if things go wrong.

If only he could change just a little bit.... less temperamental, less provocative.... Be more mature, see the bigger picture and not always pointing fingers.

Respect people more. As in ME AND MY FAMILY.

But, I know its impossible. He will never change himself, at least not for me.

I'm stuck in between my loved ones.

Can anyone tell me what to do?

Ends.