Confessions of Joy Lim Chen Lin

I dont deserve to be loved.

I had a tough time falling into sleep last night..tossing here and there and my mind was stuffed with so many issues...so many things to be settled yet so little time... I was a failed daughter, still a failed daughter and will be a failure for the rest of my life. I dont deserve all the undying loves showered upon me by the angels surrounding me. I dont deserve to be loved cuz I fail to give my love ones the kind of love they need. I dont deserve to be loved simply because I dont deserve.

I dont understand myself

I'm an alien to my inner self. Or maybe I really do have split personalities. I used to feel like a loser at times but now I am a loser all the time. People kept demanding from me, keep expecting the best from me and I often ask myself, "How long can I give in?" Is my sole purpose in life is just to please them and forget my own un-noticeable-self?

I dont deserve to live

Yes, I dont deserve to live. All I do is planting the seed of sadness, hurt and disappointment in each and every of them. How I wish I were Mr Santa then maybe I can live up to everyone's expectation. Sadly, in reality, I'm just a humble small potato which is of no great importance to the people who love me and people who I work with. People like me should be crucify to death. And once again, I dont deserve to live.

JoY LiM cHeN LiN