Tough Cookie

Tonight I'm happy.

I'm happy because I know, I've changed. To the better or worst, that would be a story for later on. Right now, I'm definitely a stronger Puteri, someone who knows what she wants, someone who wants to have a say and of course to be heard. Gone were the days where the obedient Puteri listened and obeyed blindly for the sake of "love".

Puteri wants to love and to be loved in return.

I've forgive him.

But, I've yet to forget the things he did.

Now, I just wanna learn how to live for myself and those who concern about me. I have to be more independent. No more lembik Puteri. I'm learning to overcome my fears, just to protect myself from being hurt again. It sucks so terribly that I've to admit at times, I still cry myself to sleep. Or to find myself waking up at ungodly hour only to weep in silence till dawn.

I'll be tough man, I gotta be.

My only regret was to see all that Shyte happen during my fav celebration of all time. And because of that, I've to hate Santa from now on! I fucking hate Christmas oh Jesus Christ! I remember telling him we should have a quiet Christmas and do what everyone does, exchanging pressie in the comfort of our home!

Fucking only God knows he had a different surprise installed for me.

And to fulfill my tiny wish for our "ruined Christmas" last year, I got him a present tonight. I feel happy already like that because if he were to be who he was, he'd be happy too :)

For that split of a second, I chose to believe that Shyte never happened.

Nehmai, the worst has already gone. Cry when you need, I was told by a friend. Laugh out loud when you deserve it :)