What a shitty year!
Started off the year with a new career change, new environment, etc. It doesn't work well, met with some incompatible colleagues, conflicts after conflicts, explanation after one another. Unwilling to give up. Strived harder. Got beaten by politics that was too much to handle. And the stress of not having enough rest considering longer travelling hours. Finally, gave up that hell.
Verdict: It was a right choice. Though I did learn something out of my field, I'm at a better place now with the job that suits my course of study.
A roughy year for romance. Lose my bf that I've been with for 3 years. Waited so long for us to finally be together but it didn't work out. The feeling of missing him is just like the old days, it's just that this time, he's "so near yet so far".
Side note: I remember in 2010, we were at Popular, Prangin Mall and we read a feng shui article kind of thing. It said it'd be a rough year for our relationship. He, at that point of time, still very much in love with my stupidity and lameness, assured me that with persistence, and trust in each other, we can make things happen.
Holding on that, I endured and tolerated all his emo moments (he did the same to me too), believing that he will "grow up" when he comes back one day and realised how much I love him. I think deep down, he knows how much I love him unless he choose to ignore the love i've showered on him. Some things are not meant to be shared. Likewise, this shall also be the memory and love between us, the love that still motivates me and hopefully motivates him as well.
"I'll not let you down" - This was his promise to me.
Until this moment, I'm still unwilling to accept the fact that he no longer cares nor loves me. I don't know why, maybe I put too much faith on us, in our relationship, that I thought he will always be there for me, like how I always try my best to let him know that I'm safe.
Guys, I'm sorry to keep writing about us. Just that this is the only platform I can share my feelings and be truthful about it.
But, one thing I never regret and so proud of myself is that I've been there for him during his low period, when he was still a student, poor every single day, basically leong and snobbish and own nothing but a big belly.
And, I made my choice to call him sayang.
And I'm glad that I've given him the best of me.
Maybe now, I'm no longer good enough for him, nor worth his love and care.
But I'm still his biggest fan since day 1 I sat in that yellow car.
Only this time, I'll be admiring him from a distance.
Do you know that I used to tell him how much I love to see him at work? How serious he is whenever he does anything related to cars! I love that look, very macho! Yayaya, I know what you guys thinking, "Why wanna be sad over a fat guy?"
I've heard that a million times, he's fat, he's "tor sau lan keok" but he's also my sayang =)
The only difference is I'm no longer his sayang =(
Happy New Year 2012 guys!
Party hard, but don't let your life go wasted.
